If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.