So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
