i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .