So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
