i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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