I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dating After Heartbreak
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning