You made me cry and you don't even care
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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