i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
