I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Boobs are out for the taking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
