I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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