Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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