"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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