Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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