peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
