He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
