That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
