low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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