I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
