i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize