His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
