when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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