Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
