hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
