I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My cat gives me a boner
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
