Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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