I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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