We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
