My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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