someone owes me an orgasm
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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