I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
