WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
