Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
