i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck appropriateness.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
