What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
