When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
