I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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