I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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