Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
