Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
