I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
