Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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