dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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