i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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