Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
