I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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