Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
