OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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