Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He has the fingertips of a God
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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