What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
