Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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