hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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