i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
