My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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