After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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