Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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