ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
