And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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