I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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