On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
