plz talk dirty to me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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