where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just google imaged poop.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
