please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
