cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
