I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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