Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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