That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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