we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
