maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
