I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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