i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
