So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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