Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.