When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage