my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize