yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i came on her dog
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My life is pants optional.
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