if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
