We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my phone needs a breathalizer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?