in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize