I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito