my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..