I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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