everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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