This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
