This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
