she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Houston, we have a squirter
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
